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How to Fly - Wednesday's domain

How to Fly
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My Theory
How to Fly
Tips from Wednesday                                     
I'm going to tell you how to fly. If you don't trust/believe/like me at all, please fuck off and find another flying teacher.
Step 1
Either -
  • become a bird (good move)
  • strangle a bird and make off with its wings
  • make your own wings out of dropped feathers, glue and newspaper
  • make do without
Step 1 and 1/2
If you didn't pick the first or last options in step 1 -
  • insert the wings into your back
  • tape the wings onto your back
  • chuck the wings away and defeat the entire point in preparing them

Step 2

Find a -
  • cliff
  • steep hill
  • roof
  • tree
  • diving board
  • tall friend's head
  • something else quite high
Step 3
Practice in advance -
  • jumping up and down
  • landing
  • flapping your wings
  • tearing your wings off, to make sure you can't
Step 4
Climb up onto your high place and -
  • jump
  • fall
Step 5
When you are in the air it is a good idea, in order to retain your flight, to -
  • pretend you're not flying and decieve your mind
  • concentrate hard on flying so that your mind can't protest
  • pretend you're a bird and even drop a few nasty things on people's head to convince yourself
Step 6
Sing -
  • anything bad
  • anything good
  • anything of undefinite musical value
Step 7
When landing -
  • go down feet first
  • go down head first
  • do an elaborate swirl
  • try to hit something
  • avoid railways
Step 8
When you have done this, either -
  • die
  • get rescued
  • say 'What fucking nonsense' a lot and go home feeling shamed
  • come back the next day, determined to become an expert flying pig and then fail again

Hahaha. You fucking suckers.

Click here if you want to fuck off out of here.

Don't deny that pigs may fly!