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My Theory

Who the HELL are these Flying Pig people then?

Who d'you wanna find out about, then? Click the pictures and link to our profiles! We are the Flying Pigs - we rule!

 

Ok - I know everyone thinks we're really scary, but that's just Wednesday. He has an addiction to the word 'fuck' and is very pissed off with life at the moment. He's generally just a very violent, murderous and pissed off person, but things can get worse and have done (damn!). He got put back a year in school to retake his GCSEs after he failed them all last time, you see (those which he turned up to, anyway). He hates his sister (see his pic.) because she's a genius, which can't help. He also hates his sister's cat, but we won't go into that. If you want to hear more, I suggest you e-mail Wednesday (pig4) and ask him to rant at you (fool!). So, I gather you'll find Wednesday scary? But we're not all Wednesday.

Wednesday's vow:

 

"Death comes for most people. I get the rest."

 

I'm Ronney and I'm the founder of the Flying Pigs, of course. As a gang, I arrange all our money-making schemes and then our money-spending ones too. My word is law. I'm a bit of a genius too; I've got wide interests and am a great person to get along with. History's my main thing, which just sounds like a crappy school thing, but goes further than that. I'm applying for university and an archaeological discovery group to aid in my degree. I also have a talent for written history, so don't be surprised if you see my name in print sometime!

My theory:

 

"I know why you haven't found success. It's because she's saving herself for me."

 

Gorwl is the one with the problems, who thinks he's a meercat (don't ask me, but why the hell did he pick that picture?). He's a depressive, and if you ever need an agony aunt, there's nobody better. He lives for misery and can advise you upon many great methods of suicide, some even personally approved, although he has never been 100% successful yet in these schemes.

Gorwl's proverb:

 

"Life sucks. Get used to it.”

 

Robby's Gorwl's mate, and he's about as sad as Gorwl is, though much more gullible (hee hee hee) and less miserable. Robby's the sort of guy who doesn't really know what he's doing with himself and will probably never find out. He's good at chess though - almost as good as I am, and I'm the best at everything, always will be - which is his life.

Robby's quote:

 

"The capybara is the largest variety of rodent."

 

Ninety-Ribbons is our hippie and the oldest member of our gang. Not saying anything particular, but he can get hold of some pretty hot substances for you, if you so-desire. This is probably why he never shows a picture of himself (I don't think he knows that Jabbo drew him on his book picture). He has excellent contacts all over the world. Apart from being almost as crazy as Jabbo, Ninety-Ribbons (false name, even we don't know what his real one is) lives in a garage and drives a 50.00 car.

Something Ninety-Ribbons might've said (but didn't):

 

"The cheaper something is the shittier it is. Life's free."

 

Jinx is more or less alright in the head, although he seems to be an unlucky talisman, running about and giving other people bad luck. None of us are quite sure how he does this, but he does seem to have an uncanny supernaturalism about him. He's actually Estonian, well, his parents are. Jinx was brought up in England, so he isn't really very Estonian, but that's what he is.

Something Jinx says a lot:

 

"I'll jinx you what I will. Just wait for me; prince of the bad-luck realms that make you shy."

 

As in the verb to shy, not as in the state of shyness.

 

Tippo and Jinx are best friends too (yes, I know - how cheesy that we seem to be made up of a little gang of best friendies) and they're practically joined at the hip. Tippo's real name is Neal, but we call him Tippo because he comes from Tipperary. He moved here when he was about seven, so he still has a bit of an Irish accent. He drinks a lot too, which is what the Irish are famous for, though the rest of us are not too sure that this is such a good idea (imagine us all wearing our frowns of dignified disapproval). The other Irish trait is supposed to be red hair, but Tippo's is blonde. Actually, he's the only one of us without brown hair.

Tippo's most frequently used phrase:

 

"Where's the whisky?"

 

Jabbo's my chum, though we're hardly inseparable. He's quite crazy too, and a bit of a flirt. All the girls like him, which is probably something to do with why he can never get enough of him. He is always succeeded by a trail of admirers and he's always going out with too many of them at once (yes, I know, shock horror). He has an odd fondness for people's roofs and he's great artist, which is his main interest. He's not called Jabbo, of course, that's just some random nickname that stemmed somehow from Jonathon. Also, Jabbo can't swim!

Jabbo's line:

 

"Yo. I'm Jabbo!"

 

We all (except Ninety-Ribbons) go to Checkerbrook High in Sheffield, where currently Jabbo and I are doing our A levels and Wednesday, Gorwl and Robby are doing their GCSEs. The other two are just minor squirts.

If you have any complaints (don't you dare even think about it!) or queries, please e-mail me at flying_pig_no1@hotmail.com, or get in touch with us separately.

 

Ronney Dulmorris, pig1

Click here to find out more about me!

ronney.jpg

Ditto for I, the only Jabbo!

Illustration: Couch Potatoes

Click for N-R; the one without a computer...

bluehills.jpg

Don't you fucking dare click. You pryers.

weds.jpg

Click if you're mad enough to care about Gorwl.

meercat.jpg

Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen, Robin Hood, Robin Hood, click to go to him.

robby.jpg

Just click.

head.jpg

Go on, click... You know you want to!

tippo.jpg

Don't deny that pigs may fly!